Afraid of being judged.
Underneath all those fears that I’ve been talking about in the last few weeks is another, much bigger fear:
The fear of being judged.
The big issue behind that fear is that being judged means being rejected and getting kicked out of your group, which in turn means dying all alone in the saber-tooth tiger infested wilderness.
Yes, this is an old stone-age fear.
And yet, it is very much alive in ourselves, since we humans are a social species and need groups to survive.
Being rejected by your group meant death back then, quite simply. We still don’t like taking that risk – and finishing your book, publishing it and making it visible for practically everyone in the work does mean taking the risk of being judged.
That’s why we may not finish writing our book.
Why we hesitate to publish it and prefer doing yet another rewrite or editing run.
Why hitting that publish button is so difficult.
And that’s why getting bad reviews can feel so frightening.
We want to stay in our group and be safe.
Now, of course there are people who don’t feel that being visible is a risk at all. Often those are people who enjoy some kind of status in the group that doesn’t depend on their writing. (And they won’t read this article anyway.)
But for the rest of us, our ancient safety programs sound the alarm when we do something that invites judgment.
Those safety programs aren’t bad, by the way. They are supposed to protect ourselves, and they are just doing their job – making us uncomfortable when we do something potentially dangerous and detrimental to our health or continued existence.
Unfortunately, those safety programs got a bit outdated.
Because in our society – at least in most of the Western world – a bad review isn’t dangerous. We don’t lose our lives because of a book we publish. We do not get kicked out on the street for the art we create.
Our safety programs don’t know that.
Which means we need to update them.
For me, the best way to update a safety program is still EFT tapping.
That’s because we can reach both the mind and the emotions though EFT.
You see, those safety programs can’t quite be reached by rational reasoning. That’s because they operate on an emotional level.
We don’t get a clear alarm signal in our minds when a safety program activates. We just feel uncomfortable, afraid or upset when we try to go against their warning. And then we procrastinate, start yet another story, do the dishes, clean the house or find inspiration elsewhere, simply to avoid being uncomfortable.
So if you find yourself at the kitchen sink, veering away from finishing a story yet again, or from editing or actually publishing your book, consider the idea that there’s a safety program at work. And then do some tapping.
Tapping Phrases
Even though I’m so scared of being judged that I’d rather not finish my book, and that I avoid publishing it, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now choose to know that this is just an old safety program at work.
Even though I’m scared that I’ll be rejected, kicked out and left to die when I get visible with my books, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now choose to know that this stone-age fear is no longer useful in the 21st century.
Even though I’m really afraid of being judged because it feels like a huge risk, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I choose to know that I am quite safe even if I finish my story and publish my book.
Asking you:
Are you familiar with this fear of being judged?
Have you received horrible reviews already?
What happened while you were tapping?
And finally – are you writing right now?
Please share in a comment.
Image Source: F. Moebius
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